So it has been brought to my attention that groups of weak, spineless maggots are already, prior to release, forming Mario Kart 7 leagues where they will race without items. This has got to be the stupidest shit I’ve ever seen. Playing Mario Kart without items on would like drinking beer without alcohol or having sex without genitalia. It completely misses the point.
This group of fun hating chimpanzees are the sycophantic one eyed fanboys of Nintendo Life. Here’s the tweet that started it all.
So of course I let fly.
What Nintendo Life are doing is corrupting the soul, the pure essence of Mario Kart. It’s what has made Mario Kart so fucking fistworthy for the past two decades. They are shitting on the spiritual traditions of multiplayer Nintendo games. Super Mario Kart was the first racing game to ever feature item based combat. Together with crazy courses and loveable character it laid the foundation for the entire kart racing sub genre, a genre Mario Kart has always dominated despite pissweak challenges from Crash Bandicoot, Sonic, Konami and a host of loser no-names.
Now Nintendo Life have claimed that they “love Mario Kart”. Well if you ask me, they don’t love Mario Kart enough. They come across as the sort of invertebrates who race as Funky Kong and think Toad’s Turnpike is a good track. They love Mario Kart about as much as they love having pineapple’s shoved up their arseholes. Whenever I come across anyone who suggests turning items off in Mario Kart, I kick them out of the house, even if it’s their house. They don’t deserve the privilege of knowing me anymore.
This was awesome! Great to hear you love Mario Kart so much.
James
Editor, Nintendo Life
I love it SO MUCH.
I get that! We love it too, but we have 700,000 visitors and some of those might not like items quite so much, so we try to cater for them too. If we could just turn off spiny shells we would, but alas!
If you’d like to join our 150cc group — with all items! — it’s 00-2104-5343-9763.
Cheers!
James
Editor, Nintendo Life
I probably will. when it comes out here tomorrow. I’ll need to buy a 3DS too huh? Also I have 30 visitors now!
It might help!
Anyway, thanks again for this post, it truly made my week!
All the best,
J
I’ve had sex without using genitalia. Just saying. But yeah fuck these little turds in their brains with a red shell.
U mad?
If you prefer using items then just enter the all items community or don’t enter any of NL.
James only did this because he knows very well the NL users and some of them find items annoying. They can make you lose because of other people luck that may not even have any skill. What a whiny fanboy…
I’m going to tell you why you’re wrong in a later entry but since I have low expectations of your literacy I’ll just summarise for you: Skilled players can cope with items.
haha yeah i cant believe those nintendo life noobs. their just scared of getting hit with a blue shell haha loooosers.
You just made my day. Thank you kind sir for your words.
At first, I wondered how you knew what sex without genitalia is like. But then I realised.
You don’t have the balls to race without items.
I don’t have any comeback to this. I laughed a lot. Excellent post.
Lmao, you don’t even have a 3DS and our ranting about how other people play a game you won’t even be in? That’s like caring about what about what position I bang your mom in. You can’t join so why do care? n__n